A Bold, Fresh Nightmare: Being the VBS Host

“That was great singing, boys and girls,” my wife says, and she says true. The nearly 300 kids attending our Vacation Bible School this week have been yelling their lungs out during every song – enthused to say the least.

“And now it’s time to meet our Bible Memory Buddy for today!” and it’s on to the next section. A picture comes up on the overhead projectors, a spoonbill bird with pink and white feathers and a goofy smile. My wife goes on to read today’s Bible verse, then it’s on to the next section.

Sort of.

“So that was great, boys and girls,” my wife is saying and she begins ad-libbing about memory verses, how beautiful the spoonbill bird is, etc. “But has anybody seen Skeeter?”

That’s me, the comic relief character for the skit each night. Lissa isn’t supposed to have to ask this question to summon Skeeter, and I’m supposed to have been on stage about thirty seconds before she asks about me…but instead, I’m behind the curtains off stage with a fish hook in my thumb, and part of my costume – a safari type hat with a bunch of fishing lures stuck to it – is tangled in tonight’s prop, a fishing net on a six foot long pole. A couple teenage girls that are helping to lead singing are backstage with me, and they begin trying to help me untangle the mess that I’m in.

After another unbearable twenty seconds goes by, I’m finally on stage, ad-libbing a different intro to the skit now that my other entrance has been completely blown (I was supposed to come out crashing into my wife, waving the fishing net in the air…oh well.) We finally continue on with the skit and finish…

But the nightmare isn’t quite over for my wife. At another point in the evening, she declares, “Now it’s time for you to share YOUR God-sightings!” and scores of tiny hands pop into the air like fireworks. She’d done this last night – asking kids to talk about something nice they saw someone do for someone else, or to give a story about how they experience God in their everyday lives…perhaps a tricky concept for some of the younger kids. But every child’s eager to talk into that microphone, and my wife is making the mistake of actually letting them!

“Let’s see, how about someone from over in this section,” she says and walks down the steps from the stage into the throng of elated children, desperate for their twenty seconds of fame. “Do you have a God sighting?”

“GOD HAS A MAGIC STICK!” the girl proudly proclaims.

Hmmm, my wife is thinking.

Err, the crew leader next to the girl is saying.

AWESOME! I’m sure the four-year-old is thinking, her face beaming proudly up at my wife.

“Let’s see what someone over in this section has to say – did you have a God sighting this week?”

“DREAMING!” the child roars into the microphone. What to do with this response?

“Yes – God watches over us when we’re dreaming? Right?”

And the nightmare continues…

Only two more nights to go…