On Health Care:
Dwight Schrute: "Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony."
Jim Halpert: "OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?"
Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] "Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection."
On Survival of the Fittest:
"In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
On Friendship:
"I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like...Mozart's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like...Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy."
Hmmm...
"I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory..."
On Marketing:
"First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets."
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