Communication Mixup Causes Mass Panic; Improper License Plate to Blame
Authorities today urged caution and asked local residents to resume their normal activities, today, after a large c
rowd waited almost 45 minutes in line next to what they thought was a bagel vendor, causing a near riot when it turned out no bagels were going to be sold. As one resident explained, "I guess we all just assumed -- I mean look at the vehicle." Apparently the miscommunication was caused by a license plate issued by the State of Michigan starting with the configuration "BGL." Several persons saw the vehicle as it pulled into a school parking lot, and, assuming the man to be a Lox/Bagel vendor, began waiting. A passing resident, Mark Thompson, was walking his dog at the time and upon inquiring what everyone was waiting for, broke from the route he normally took with his Yorkshire Terrier "Mitzy" to join the queue. The owner of the vehicle had apparently left, exiting from the front driver's side door but his exit was unseen by onlookers. "It's just the way I've always exited the van," he explained. "Besides, I don't even have a permit for selling those sorts of thing!" Local police officials refused to comment, citing an ongoing investigation, but an unnamed source familiar with the case said he doubted charges would be filed. -- John Johnston, SAP Reporter
rowd waited almost 45 minutes in line next to what they thought was a bagel vendor, causing a near riot when it turned out no bagels were going to be sold. As one resident explained, "I guess we all just assumed -- I mean look at the vehicle." Apparently the miscommunication was caused by a license plate issued by the State of Michigan starting with the configuration "BGL." Several persons saw the vehicle as it pulled into a school parking lot, and, assuming the man to be a Lox/Bagel vendor, began waiting. A passing resident, Mark Thompson, was walking his dog at the time and upon inquiring what everyone was waiting for, broke from the route he normally took with his Yorkshire Terrier "Mitzy" to join the queue. The owner of the vehicle had apparently left, exiting from the front driver's side door but his exit was unseen by onlookers. "It's just the way I've always exited the van," he explained. "Besides, I don't even have a permit for selling those sorts of thing!" Local police officials refused to comment, citing an ongoing investigation, but an unnamed source familiar with the case said he doubted charges would be filed. -- John Johnston, SAP ReporterCourt Decision Sides With "Big Business"; Family Left Dogless
In a stunning 7 to 2 decision this morning, the Michigan Supreme Court ruled in favor of a local fencing contractor who had been sued by a Spring Arbor Township family for breach of contract and pain and suffering, after the contractor failed to make good on a promise to install a wooden fence that was to have surrounded their 1/4 acre plot of land. The property was to have eventually housed a breeding farm for miniature chihuahuas, a company started by the family's son Hans Grautner. "Are you serious?" Hans' father Gunther replied, when asked for comment. "We're devastated."
The court ruled in favor of the contractor, A to Y Fencing LLC, who had advertised the fence installation in a local circular as "1/2 off'". Their lawyer argued successfully that this actually referred to the size of the fence, not the price. The Grautners believed they were having a fence installed around the entire edge of their property; in actuality, the fence only covered part of two sides, leaving a wide open space in which their dog could escape.
"Well, when the contractor gave us the invoice and said he was finished, we just opened the back door of the house and..." Mrs. Grautner began, but couldn't finish.
Her husband continued.
"Well, Little Man just ran away. Right off down the street." Little Man was the first of what was to have been a herd of nearly 300 miniature chihuahuas, a specific breed valued for their tiny size. Some 40% smaller than the chihuahua breed most people are familiar with, many people have turned to them as pets due to the savings in feeding costs; since the economic downturn, the American Kennel Club said they've seen an almost 85% increase in miniature Chihuahua purchases, no doubt also spurred by the recently released film, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." --Barb Massey, Warner/Olds Reporter
Boy Denied Access to School Bus; Parents Vow to Sue
A local boy trying to board a school bus was denied access, this afternoon, when a bus driver, questioning the boy about his apparel, refused to allow him to board after it was determined the boy was not wearing any western gear. After noticing the boy had no ten-gallon hat, spurs, or any other type of cowboy gear, the bus driver contacted a dispatcher who notified the parents the boy's attire did not conform to Western School District rules. They were shocked by the policy, but the bus driver and school officials were unmoved.
"Look, it's called Western School District for a reason," said dispatcher Alan Lemon. "And we're not just talking about spurs that jangle but don't jingle. This was a student that had absolutely NO cowboy gear on whatsoever. " He went on to explain that though the written policy is very explicit about what constitutes 'western' gear, the school district is generally lenient if students and parents show some attempt to stay within the guidelines.
"Clearly, that was not the case with this student." Lemon went on to point out the lettering on the busses themselves. "It's right there, plain as day. Western School District."
After removing their child from the school property, the parents vowed to contact a lawyer, though they were unsure what action to take next. "Oh, we'll be back," stated the child's father as his mother broke down in tears. "There's a new sheriff in this -- well, anyway, we'll see." Tanya Blotterman, Warner/Olds News
Economic Downturn Shows In New Indicator: Vehicles Going Colorless
In a surprising twist that has taken analysts by surprise, GM CEO Rick Wagoner announced today that customers will begin seeing a dramatic shift in production.
"Specifically, this means that along with other cuts being made to our lineups, we will no longer be painting vehicles." Instead, he said, vehicles will be left with an assortment of grays -- that is, with primer rather than finish paint. "It's just become necessary in this economic climate," he continued.
The change was already being seen in 0ne local parking lot; hardly any color was to be seen in an array of cars that local residents had parked there.
"I don't really mind it," one resident responded when asked what she thought of it all. "It isn't like a car rides better if it's red or green or blue. And if this is what it takes for the Big Three to survive..." She just shrugged. "I guess we're all tightening our belts a little more. I'll still buy them." --Allison Gray, SAP Newssource
Local Doorman's Union Strikes; Hundreds Left Out in the Cold
Residents and School Officials floundered today, attempting, often unsuccessfully, to open the front door of a local elementary school after long-time doorman Oscar Hanson joined the local chapter of the International Gatekeeper's Union in going on strike. The walkout was reportedly triggered when school officials and the Union were unable to reach an agreement on a variety of issues, from upgrading doorstops to providing uniforms with a less itchy material.
"I'm at a loss," the school's principal said. "I've never -- how do these door things even work, anyway? How am I supposed to know?"
He wasn't alone."This is a travesty and an outrage, and I won't stand for it," cried one local resident struggling with the front door's push/pull mechanism. "Someone should be held accountable for this."
The Obama Administration could not be reached for comment, but one insider reported that talks would continue long into the night, if necessary, in an effort to avoid other walkouts as well.
"What happens, God forbid, if the pencil sharpeners union strikes? I fear for the safety of these children," the official said. --Dan Gil, SAP
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