Regarding Shopping...And Revenge

Ah, Meijer, you tempt me so...

So most of you who read this blog know me pretty well, but one thing many of you probably don't know about me is that I'm a sucker for the 90% off sale.

No kidding. Among the items I've purchased at this discount -- or even less -- are the following: t-shirts for 49 cents (in Florida, at the flea market), tapered 8" candles for 2 cents (seriously! 2 cents! how can you go wrong? I bought a whole shopping cart! ), tissue paper for a dime a package, miniature Christmas stockings (from a Dollar Store, in January, that I gave to a friend who's a teacher, to give to her students next year,) red Santa Claus hats (again, for a teacher, I bought boxes of them) wrapping paper in the off season, children's books that we gave to our kids for Christmas...

I could go on, but you get the idea. One year, we even bought hors d'oeuvres plates (I think I spelled that correctly ??) from Pottery Barn. These weren't quite 90% off, more like 75 to 80%, but I couldn't pass them up -- they had pictures of little drunk penguins on them, with sayings about getting inebriated (e.g. 'A stiff drink unravels the best written mystery' and 'the wages of gin' and so on.)

Couldn't turn them down. We still get them out almost every Christmas for at least one party. Which is quite hilarious, because a pretty good percentage of our friends don't even drink, and there's always that one uncomfortable moment when you're not quite sure how everyone is going to react.

So with it now being the week after Easter, I feel a little thrill as I realize I need to pick up a few OTHER things from Meijer tonight, and surely there must be Easter items on clearance, right?

But as I pull into the parking lot, I see something even BETTER. My brother-in-law (who will read this post, I'm sure) has made the mistake of parking his car in a space that has an adjacent space open right next to it.

Surely, the hand of Providence has handed me this opportunity. So how can I possibly resist the temptation?

So I pull into the space next to his car rrreeeeaaaaalllllllll close, but that isn't quite close enough -- like, say twelve inches -- so I back up and get just a little closer.

But no, that isn't quite it.

The third time, though, like Goldilocks with the porridge, is just right.

Four inches.

I'm ecstatic. Nay, friends, elated. I only wish I'd had a video camera to record his reaction, which I never got to see...

So I go into Meijer, and yeah verily, I say unto thee, it's there! 90% off stuff from Easter!!!

Everything's coming up Johnny!!!

My only dilemma: how much to spend? And on what? At 90%, I can buy TEN TIMES as much crap as I could just a week ago, for the same price!!! Think of it! What if cars were like this?

Or pudding???

Or even pets???

So it only takes me a few seconds, because actually, at least at the display I'm at, there aren't that many choices. I get the following: 4 rolls of gold colored cellophane wrap (the kind you'd wrap gift baskets in) and 5 boxes of Easter Egg dye.

All for just over a dollar!!!

So I get the rest of my groceries and finish up, and as I'm leaving the store, it's really coming down outside now, the weather's cold and wet and pretty miserable, but I'm really thrilled to have gotten this Easter stuff for next to nothing.

I notice my brother-in-law must have left quite a while ago, because his car is nowhere to be seen. I drop the groceries in the back of our van, give the shopping cart to the poor Meijer employee who's drawn the job of going out into the rain to retrieve carts (don't you always want to tip those guys?). I put the key in the ignition, flick the lights on, and turn the wipers on.

And I'm greeted by SCREEEEEEEEKK--SCREEEK!!! SCREEEEEEKKK--SCREEEK!!!

My brother-in-law has just made my night, because he's taken the time to turn my wiper blades upside down -- with the metal part of the blade scraping the window like a razor blade after I hit the switch.

I can't help myself. I start busting out laughing, loud enough I'm sure for the Meijer employee to hear me, even as I'm inside the van with the doors closed and he's outside.

I'd LOVE to tell you all what I'm going to do to my brother-in-law's car the next time I see it in the Meijer parking lot, but again, he, too, reads this blog.

So in his honor, I can only think to end this post one way:

Well played, sir.

Well played indeed.