WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!

This particular post NOT meant for immature viewers -- oh, no, wait, it IS meant for ONLY immature viewers...


"Holy Crap, Batman!: Assessing the International Dynamic Challenges of Canine Fecal Production, Analyzing Available Handling and Disposal Methods, and the Future of 'Green' Technology for Canine Waste In a 21st Century/Postmodern World";

Or, "Why I Think Watching Dogs Pooping Is Hilarious"

Okay, honestly, I don't know where this post is going exactly, but here we are. Gosh golly, I'm so thankful for the Internet where I can come up with completely useless, but hopefully awfully entertaining material like this...but hey, you've actually read this far, right?

So it really has struck me as hilarious for a long time that dogs actually have to go through the above postures to, um, 'do their business,' so to speak, and I think the reason it strikes me as so gosh darn hilarious is: a) they get to assume this position out in the open for all the World -- including other dogs -- to see (I often wonder, do animals ever feel embarrassed by anything? Is that in their DNA, or is it a wholly human sensation?) and b) so many people are absolutely TERRIFIED of dogs, that it strikes me as funny to think of these 'vicious' animals with fangs and claws stuck in this bizarre pose. And let me say, I know they really are stuck there in that position because I've actually watched our dog in the yard and tried to scare her by sneaking up on her when she's doin' her thang, just to see if I could get her to stop and run, but she really can't do anything but let Nature finish what it started, once she gets going...

If this all seems to indicate that I have a MUCH warped version of what humor consists of, you'd be absolutely correct -- and my wife completely agrees with you.

It's also interesting to note how many countries outside the U.S. really are in a 'bind' so to speak (pun COMPLETELY intended) when it comes to figuring out how to deal with the problem of animal ownership as human population continues to increase dramatically, especially in major cities. Europe most notably has begun to tackle the problem head-on as municipalities have passed legislation making dog owners responsible for disposing of animal feces...

Though I'm not sure exactly what these signs are trying to say...

This one seems pretty straightforward, except I'm not sure what the waves emanating from the fecal matter is meant to tell the viewer -- that it's okay to leave the feces if it DOESN'T stink? And wait, is that a picture of a dog, or a goat? It's a little difficult to tell...

And this one seems to be indicating that the fecal material of only CARTOON dogs need be picked up. Seriously, what dog actually looks like this? Doesn't that look like Disney's Goofy, if he was squatting on all fours without the signature hat???

And this one...how to read this??? No dogs that poop I-Pods???

OUCH!

And this one. 'Gracies' it says -- 'thanks'...for reaching down with your bare hands to scoop up your dog's turd...

Or this. It's a good sign, easy to read and all that, but if you look closely, you'll notice the dog feces have actually been digitally enhanced...'Photoshopped' into the picture. Um, is dog poop really that rare that they couldn't find the real thing? Or did they look at all the poo-poo brought in for the photo shoot, and they just couldn't find a good piece of dooky with that certain 'IT' factor? And then there's THIS product...we've actually come to the point in human history when we are so disgusted by the natural process of digestion that we can now buy an aerosol can that will let you temporarily freeze your animal's fecal material for the ten or fifteen minutes between the time you walk your dog, and the time you get home to place the waste in a garbage can. And we wonder why there's global warming...

So there you have it. An entire post about dog poo. But seriously -- are you laughing yet?